


Dead Mom

by Dollz



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Alcohol, Cheating, Depression, Divorce, Drinking, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Infidelity, Loss of Parent(s), References to Depression, References to Drugs, Smoking, Teen Angst, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:29:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22854748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dollz/pseuds/Dollz
Summary: After Paula got kicked out of the band, she had no choice but to temporarily move back in with her dad. In that house, she starts to reflect on her childhood and what led her to this point. She desperately wants advice from the one person she can talk to, but unfortunately, she isn't there to give any.Based off: "Dead Mom" from the Beetlejuice musical.
Relationships: Paula Cracker & Stuart "2D" Pot, Paula Cracker/Murdoc Niccals, Paula Cracker/Stuart "2D" Pot
Kudos: 3





	Dead Mom

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've recently been listening to the Beetlejuice musical soundtrack, and I've been addicted to the song, "Dead Mom". I came up with this concept based of the song, so here we are, this is my first Gorillaz fanfiction. Hope you enjoy!

It’s been twenty-eight hours since she has been kicked out… twenty-eight hours since Russel has broken Murdoc’s nose… twenty-eight hours since she saw 2-D’s tears of betrayal… Paula never considered herself a good person. She was sharp-tongued, cynical, sarcastic, and was never afraid of acting like a total bitch. She acknowledged those traits and was self-aware. Was she proud of those traits?

No… In fact, those traits are what she hated the most about herself. I know, it’s hard to believe. Paula Cracker, the cheater, the traitor, the shamelessly rude guitarist, actually being self-loathing. Of course, she would never say it out loud. After all, her philosophy is, “If you want to survive in this cruel world, you gotta pretend like you don’t care.”

The raven-haired woman didn’t have a place to stay. All the money she had was in her purse, and going back to that dreadful studio to retrieve it was not an option. She was no longer welcome there, and she knew it. She tried calling all three of her now ex-bandmates, but as she expected, none of them answered. She didn’t know why she expected Stu to answer. Maybe she was subconsciously hoping that he had forgiven her already? Why would he, though? She didn’t even have the guts to be honest with him. 

Paula had the chance to tell him that she wanted to break up, but she chose to go behind her boyfriend’s back instead. In the end it wasn’t even worth it, seeing that Murdoc didn’t even try to stick up for her. Though, deep down, a part of her probably knew that he didn’t genuinely care for her. The so-called “relationship” that these two could of had just a fantasy that her mind idiotically clung to. She wished to punch herself for ever having feelings for that tosser.

Naturally, she gave up on any hope of getting that purse back. Having nowhere to go, and no money to buy herself even the cheapest apartment in town, she had no choice but to make a phone call that she dreaded to make. She promised herself that she would never go back to that house, but considering her position at the time, breaking that promise was the only option. She called the man that she despised with all her being… her father.

Now, here she was, moving back into her old man’s place, practically trapped underneath his roof, until she can finally get back on her feet. A part of her ached to collapse on her knees and scream to the world, “What did I ever do to deserve this?” However, she didn’t do it, because she already knew the answer to that question. She knew exactly what she did... She let out a sigh, as she laid down on her old childhood twin bed. She was honestly surprised that the old man didn’t throw it away. After all, she was a “troubled” kid… A disobedient, rebellious, and loud-mouthed daughter.

“Paula?” A deep, gruff voice said, as someone knocked on her door frame. It was him. She didn’t respond.

“It’s getting late. You want anything for dinner?” He asked. His daughter stayed quiet for a few more seconds before finally answering.

“... No. I’m not hungry.” The guitarist stated stoically. A long pause followed. Maybe he came to talk to her about what happened? To finally have a long talk about what she is going through?

“... Alright. There’s some leftovers in the fridge, if you want some.” The large man replied, before leaving. Of course he wasn’t going to talk to her… His solution to most of his problems was to either a good scolding or pretending like nothing ever happened… Paula sat up, as she took out a cigarette pack out of her pants’ pocket, and a light from her jacket’s pocket. She picked a cigarette and lit it, before taking a long drag. The last time she smoked in this house, she was yelled at for hours, but she didn’t care.

As she continued smoking, she opened the drawer of her nightstand, and took out a dusty picture frame that she was all too familiar with. She wiped the grime off with her fingers, revealing a photo of three genuinely happy people: a young raven-haired girl who couldn’t have been older than seven years old in the picture, a beautiful woman with long hair of the same color and smile powerful enough to cheer up even the saddest of blokes, and the man that just walked out of this bedroom. Paula’s eye’s lingered on the woman in the photo, wondering if she is truly in a better place right now.

_ Hey Mom, Dead Mom _

_ I need a little help here _

_ I'm prob'ly talking to myself here _

_ But Dead Mom, I gotta ask _

_ Are you really in the ground? _

_ Cause I feel you all around me _

_ Are you here, Dead Mom? _

_ Dead Mom _

That photo was taken only a year before Paula’s parents got their divorce papers signed. It was a classic scenario. Dad was unfaithful, and he finally got caught in his lies. Naturally, mom got full custody of the young girl. Though little Paula was too young to understand what happened, she knew that what her father did hurt his wife deeply. However, despite all that happened, her mother managed to move past that and push through it all. She did her best to provide her daughter with everything she needed, and worked her hardest to get her birthday present each year. They lived a relatively modest life, but were happy nevertheless.

It was hard not to admire her mom for all the lengths she was willing to go to just to keep her daughter happy and satisfied. She was an amazing woman and the best parent any young girl could have ever asked for. That’s why Paula would never understand why she had to be taken away from the world so soon.

_ Dead Mom _

_ I'm tired of tryin' to iron out my creases _

_ I'm a bunch of broken pieces _

_ It was you who made me whole _

_ Everyday Dad's starin' at me _

_ Like all, "Hurry up, get happy _

_ Move along _

_ Forget about your mom" _

“I’m sorry, but… Your mother got into a car accident”, is what the police officer said when he arrived at Paula’s home. She was thirteen at the time, and she thought this was going to be like any day. She would come home from school, and her mother would come home three hours later from work. When she didn't show, she assumed that she was just taking a late shift. That assumption was later proven wrong.

The funeral was really hard to get through. She was still so shaken from what had happened, that she couldn’t even bring herself to cry. Throughout the whole event, she stared at the casket, desperately hoping that this was just all a terrible dream that she would soon wake up from, but it wasn’t… It was real. This wonderful woman’s eyes were never going to open again… She was gone, and she wasn’t coming back.

After the funeral, she was sent to live with her only remaining parent. When she arrived at his house, she expected him to express some kind of sadness. She expected him to wrap his arms around his little girl, and tell her that everything was going to be okay, and that they would get through this together,... but he didn’t. Instead, he just welcomed her into his home, acting like he wasn’t affected at all.

_ Cause Daddy's in denial _

_ Daddy doesn't wanna feel _

_ He wants me to smile _

_ And clap like a performing seal _

_ Ignored it for a while _

_ But Daddy's lost his mind for real _

_ You won't  _ _ believe the mess that we've become _

When Paula finished settling, she was introduced to her father’s new wife. She didn’t know if this was the mistress that he chose his mother over, and she never asked. She knew that even if she did, she wouldn’t get a straight answer. Life went on, and the teenager never got the comfort she desperately needed at the time. Instead, those two smiling idiots just pretended like everything was normal. A woman died, and they were just blissfully skipping on daisies. It was like they wanted Paula to forget about her mother.

A few years passed, and nothing changed. The joyful couple were still lost in their la la land, while the raven-haired girl was suffering in silence. The amount of unwilling smiles she had put on was unbearable. All this forced positivity was making her sick. She wished her mother was there.

_ You're my home _

_ My destination _

_ And I'm your clone _

_ Your strange creation _

_ You held my hand _

_ And life came easy _

_ Now jokes don't land _

_ And no one sees me _

_ Nothing seems to fit _

_ Mama _ _ , is this it? _

_ Are you receiving? _

_ I want something to believe in _

_ Or I'm done _

Eventually, Paula couldn’t take it anymore. She was done holding back. She was no longer going to pretend like life was perfect. She started to speak up more. She started talking back and expressing her opinions more, not caring about keeping appearances anymore. Of course, her father and stepmother didn’t like this new attitude of hers. However, finally sensing that sweet taste of freedom, she began going out of her way to piss them off.

Not only did she start to develop her signature snark, she also began to smoke, drink, and anything else that just grinded her dad’s gears. Of course, this eventually led to full-blown arguments between the father and daughter, that would most often end with Paula mentioning her mom and getting grounded afterwards because of it. She didn’t care however, because she knew she won. He can’t control her, and she was never going to let him be able to.

_ Take me where my _ _ soul can run _

_ Or I'll be in my bedroom _

_ Wake me when I'm twenty-one _

_ Daddy's moving forward _

_ Daddy didn't lose a mom _

One day, during Paula's last school year, her stepmother was nowhere to be found. Her stuff was gone, and she wasn’t answering any of her father’s calls. The next day, he received divorce papers, and a letter. The stubborn dark-haired girl didn’t know what the letter said, nor did she wish to know. She assumed that she left because she could no longer deal with her “disaster” of a stepdaughter. As the teenager expected, after her dad signed those papers, he acted as though nothing happened.

The fights got worse. Paula continued to rebel and call her father out on his denial, and he continued to punish her for speaking the truth. He refused to confront his feelings, and his daughter knew that. Eventually, she gave up on ever making him open up. As soon as she graduated, she packed up all her stuff, and left to get her own place, without even getting a proper goodbye. He didn’t even make eye contact with her...

_ Mama won't you send a sign? _

_ I'm running out of hope and time _

_ A plague of mice, a lightning strike _

_ Or drop a nuclear bomb _

_ No more playing Daddy's game _

_ I'll go insane if things don't change _

_ Whatever it takes to make him say your name _

_ Dead Mom _

Now, Paula was back in this house, and still nothing has changed. Despite telling him everything over the phone, he never even bothered to ask how she was feeling. Did he even care? Was he ever going to care…? Whatever. If he wasn’t going to care about her, why should she care about him...? The guitarist put down the old photo as she wiped away a single tear. As she lied back down, she thought, "Mum… What do I do?"


End file.
